There’s an old bloke in Hampstead Heath who I shall now call “Nails”.
“Nails” rides a clapped out mountain bike with soft soled shoes, woollen socks, shorts and a bright blue parka.
“Nails” rode my past me 4 times the other day as I repaired a puncture.
Twice on the first puncture. Then again another two times after the gas canister blew the shite out of my spare tube.
The humiliating thing about this whole episode was the fact that I was sitting at the top of what I thought was a nasty little hill in all my glorious lycra doing my outmost best to give off the impression I smashed said 12% hill without replacing my nicks with four chocolate bars I “justified” before the ride.
But old “Nails” here went up, down, then back up again in all his hard arsed glory lifting aloft the trophy look as he glanced at me with a look that said … lick my wrinkly talcum powdered arse. Not even a hail storm in between repair one and two could make this bitch go away.
I felt like a small man.
I felt like a wet small man with two fingers stuck to an extremely cold gas canister.
There’s an old bloke in Hampstead Heath who I shall now call “Nails”.
ReplyDelete“Nails” rides a clapped out mountain bike with soft soled shoes, woollen socks, shorts and a bright blue parka.
“Nails” rode my past me 4 times the other day as I repaired a puncture.
Twice on the first puncture. Then again another two times after the gas canister blew the shite out of my spare tube.
The humiliating thing about this whole episode was the fact that I was sitting at the top of what I thought was a nasty little hill in all my glorious lycra doing my outmost best to give off the impression I smashed said 12% hill without replacing my nicks with four chocolate bars I “justified” before the ride.
But old “Nails” here went up, down, then back up again in all his hard arsed glory lifting aloft the trophy look as he glanced at me with a look that said … lick my wrinkly talcum powdered arse. Not even a hail storm in between repair one and two could make this bitch go away.
I felt like a small man.
I felt like a wet small man with two fingers stuck to an extremely cold gas canister.
Fuck you “Nails”!
I love you!
Be my mentor.
Next time you see nails invite him as a "guest" only blogger.
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