Beautiful mourning to ride up a hill, even better to descend said hill with a warm escargot and hot choccie on board. The journey was a bit more leisurely than normal given the mechanic's absence, to the point that Super Mario and Skywalker were ambling down talking about the good old days when we were decent athletes. Before very long our focus shifted to the clapping noise fast approaching our derrieres. I was initially worried that Pinky had made a surprise return armed with one of his battery powered marital aids, but alas the ruckus was from 2 goons on skateboards firing off warning claps to the riders to move to the left as they came through at 45kmh+. As this unfolded in front of our eyes we thought to ourselves in unison "holy crap, they are going into this next corner at a pretty fair clip." Almost at that exact moment the bloke with the camera mounted to the front of his deck completely lost his shit, hitting the tarmac hard before slipping neatly between 2 poles, slamming into the mountain side and sliding on his balls for 20m+ before gravity pulled him to an abrupt halt. To give the poor bugger credit he bounced up pretty quickly with a big smile, only to be abused by a rider he'd overtaken only moments before coming to grief. The bloke on the bike furnished him with a rapid fire character appraisal along the lines of "you stupid fucking tosser", which i thought was pretty harsh given that he'd just inserted his testicles into the side on the 1 in 20, but each to their own opinion. So anyway, hopefully the Jack-Assafras skaters aren't too detered by today's events and return to the hills next week to put on another show. It was a truly outstanding performance!!!
Looked pretty much like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5vsj-9JEcQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
How to handle an accident by yourself
Down in Cornwall on the weekend visiting some friends so ideal place for some riding and hill training prior to London to Paris. Got a great ride in along the coast, sunny weather and 4 sharp little climbs that ripped my Kloakle from my shorts. See bikely link below.
Classic point of the ride was me coming back into Newquay approaching a T junction ... no traffic either way so coming off a hill I didn't brake and rounded the corner.
Leaning into the right hander I didn't realise the opposite side of the road was a bend so instead of the road opening up my road was quickly running out. By the time I thought I've hit this corner a little too hot BINGO ... over the front bars summersault.
My first thought was I've managed to crash without an external influence whatsover ... Dickhead!
Second thought was how was the bike, bars bit out of shape, brakes offset a bit but wheels okay thankgod.
Third thought was did anyone see me? Look around, not a soul to be seen ... Phew!
Spent next 5 minutes on ride home with a bit of bark off the legs, blood and ripped shorts pissing myself laughing at how funny that must have looked.
http://www.bikely.com/maps/bike-path/Newquay-Loop522831
Classic point of the ride was me coming back into Newquay approaching a T junction ... no traffic either way so coming off a hill I didn't brake and rounded the corner.
Leaning into the right hander I didn't realise the opposite side of the road was a bend so instead of the road opening up my road was quickly running out. By the time I thought I've hit this corner a little too hot BINGO ... over the front bars summersault.
My first thought was I've managed to crash without an external influence whatsover ... Dickhead!
Second thought was how was the bike, bars bit out of shape, brakes offset a bit but wheels okay thankgod.
Third thought was did anyone see me? Look around, not a soul to be seen ... Phew!
Spent next 5 minutes on ride home with a bit of bark off the legs, blood and ripped shorts pissing myself laughing at how funny that must have looked.
http://www.bikely.com/maps/bike-path/Newquay-Loop522831
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Creation of Wiggle
Spanglish's comment about the dildo is actually true. Company was set up to sell "pleasure" products. Turns out the owners of the company were right into bikes and decided to head that way.
Hence the name "Wiggle"!
Hence the name "Wiggle"!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
THE MAN FROM DILDO RIVER by A.B. "Pinko" Patterson
There was movement on his reputation for the word had passed around
That the phrase he would regret had got away
And was heard by other riders - it was worth a thousand pound
And all wondered if this meant that he was gay
All the tried and noted riders approached the nasty homeward hill
Up Boronia by the houses and the cars
For the riders love hard riding where the roads rise higher still
But Tuscadero "prefers a dildo up the arse"
That the phrase he would regret had got away
And was heard by other riders - it was worth a thousand pound
And all wondered if this meant that he was gay
All the tried and noted riders approached the nasty homeward hill
Up Boronia by the houses and the cars
For the riders love hard riding where the roads rise higher still
But Tuscadero "prefers a dildo up the arse"
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
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