As the company departed from the shire an ominous darkness had already decended on the entire land. This was not a natural darkness and even the great wizard of BOM was at pains to describe it.
They slaughter the Orcs in their path but almost lose the Hamster after inadvertently slaying the booby trapped orc that oozed toxic filth from the seams of his lycra.
They made their way along the treachorous roads to Hogwart with Mr Potter already contemplating abandoning the company for the comforts of a warm toasty cuddle. ....as The Count of Spanglishland regained his composure after the climb to Hogwart he remained unaware of the very public inquisition on pissing in open spaces being conducted at the roundabout. Those pesky hobbits had no shame.
The Count finally finds the company but only to discover Harry Banker with his wand pointed directly at the soft porn exit route. Only the Hamster, Pippin (the other hobbit with a girly name), Gandalf and The Count proceed through to the two towers.
Between Glenburn and Flowerdale we passed the Hamsters wife. All of a sudden Hamster lets out some gerbil/orangutan wooping calls. Very disturbing. That is until she responded in like! Far be it for us the laugh at such canoodling by a couple from the 'strap on dildo wearing/christian/gimp/wife swapping incest and buggery' sprawl that is suburbia, but please, not while we are riding through the wilds of Victoria in the rain, hypothermic with our testies so shriveled they were located further internally than a south african runners.
When the company returns to the Shire, Gandalf is waiting, looking ready to go to a bbq. Of course, considering the bankers of Hogwart's recent record in forecasting it was no wonder Harry Banker couldn't determine that Gandalf would return before his trusty broom arrived.
Characters.
Gandalf - Played by Ivan Basso. Appears everywhere without effort and smiles only when in pain, not in pain, happy or angry. Legend says he draws his power from mating wombats and slaying them after sharing a cigarette which may explain the sighting of several wombats in a submissive smiling position by the side of the roads. Pippin - Played by Girlyman who claims he would prefer to be referred to as dwarf than midget in high heels but that's btw him and The Count. The Count of Spanglishland - Played by Spanglishman. Visibility of his flapping cape was measured at 600m in 50% visibility during rain storm. Harry Banker - aka Barry Banker - aka Mr potter - played by BT and his band of single syllable merry men. Spent much of his time fighting a demon vile breathing dragon. Hamster - played by Hamster - in auditions failed to disclose his instinctive and completely uncontrollable mating call, "lollably bobally goo," which flushes out hamster mating partners when they - under the spell of the mating call - reply the same. "The call" immobilises all predators and threatening males in the immediate area and a synthetic version being tested is considered a potential weapon of mass destruction.
The Des Dowling Collingwood Loo Award for innuendo comments: Prof Barrett "I am not used to having a helmet so tight on my chin"
The Andrew Shaw Back by 10.30 Award Could be a group win here with LollyBoy, Gonz, Conner and Baz the Banker sharing for their gleeful abandonment at the top of Kinglake, however, late news, the Banker was reported to be still in the cafe when the entire f*cking race finished and called his wife to collect. Thats a 'double shaw' with bells and girlyman additions. So clear winner here was Baz who has generated the new award Nonce Abandons Bigtime.
The Carlos Quiroga Ill prepared Award Popeye Godkin Rode the entire race, watching half the event pulling over for punctures, with no spare tubes. Slack. Kept quiet about it too...dirty FARC insurgent bonus for that.
As the company departed from the shire an ominous darkness had already decended on the entire land. This was not a natural darkness and even the great wizard of BOM was at pains to describe it.
ReplyDeleteThey slaughter the Orcs in their path but almost lose the Hamster after inadvertently slaying the booby trapped orc that oozed toxic filth from the seams of his lycra.
They made their way along the treachorous roads to Hogwart with Mr Potter already contemplating abandoning the company for the comforts of a warm toasty cuddle.
....as The Count of Spanglishland regained his composure after the climb to Hogwart he remained unaware of the very public inquisition on pissing in open spaces being conducted at the roundabout. Those pesky hobbits had no shame.
The Count finally finds the company but only to discover Harry Banker with his wand pointed directly at the soft porn exit route. Only the Hamster, Pippin (the other hobbit with a girly name), Gandalf and The Count proceed through to the two towers.
Between Glenburn and Flowerdale we passed the Hamsters wife. All of a sudden Hamster lets out some gerbil/orangutan wooping calls. Very disturbing. That is until she responded in like! Far be it for us the laugh at such canoodling by a couple from the 'strap on dildo wearing/christian/gimp/wife swapping incest and buggery' sprawl that is suburbia, but please, not while we are riding through the wilds of Victoria in the rain, hypothermic with our testies so shriveled they were located further internally than a south african runners.
When the company returns to the Shire, Gandalf is waiting, looking ready to go to a bbq. Of course, considering the bankers of Hogwart's recent record in forecasting it was no wonder Harry Banker couldn't determine that Gandalf would return before his trusty broom arrived.
Characters.
Gandalf - Played by Ivan Basso. Appears everywhere without effort and smiles only when in pain, not in pain, happy or angry. Legend says he draws his power from mating wombats and slaying them after sharing a cigarette which may explain the sighting of several wombats in a submissive smiling position by the side of the roads.
Pippin - Played by Girlyman who claims he would prefer to be referred to as dwarf than midget in high heels but that's btw him and The Count.
The Count of Spanglishland - Played by Spanglishman. Visibility of his flapping cape was measured at 600m in 50% visibility during rain storm.
Harry Banker - aka Barry Banker - aka Mr potter - played by BT and his band of single syllable merry men. Spent much of his time fighting a demon vile breathing dragon.
Hamster - played by Hamster - in auditions failed to disclose his instinctive and completely uncontrollable mating call, "lollably bobally goo," which flushes out hamster mating partners when they - under the spell of the mating call - reply the same. "The call" immobilises all predators and threatening males in the immediate area and a synthetic version being tested is considered a potential weapon of mass destruction.
The Des Dowling Collingwood Loo Award for innuendo comments:
Prof Barrett "I am not used to having a helmet so tight on my chin"
The Andrew Shaw Back by 10.30 Award
Could be a group win here with LollyBoy, Gonz, Conner and Baz the Banker sharing for their gleeful abandonment at the top of Kinglake, however, late news, the Banker was reported to be still in the cafe when the entire f*cking race finished and called his wife to collect. Thats a 'double shaw' with bells and girlyman additions. So clear winner here was Baz who has generated the new award Nonce Abandons Bigtime.
The Carlos Quiroga Ill prepared Award
Popeye Godkin
Rode the entire race, watching half the event pulling over for punctures, with no spare tubes. Slack. Kept quiet about it too...dirty FARC insurgent bonus for that.